I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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