this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
