I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
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