Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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