god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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