reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
