perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
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