so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
