i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
