another moral hangover. fuck.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I just found a bag of teeth...
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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