I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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