What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
