Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
These tits shall not be calmed
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
