So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
