Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
She's not a foreskin expert like you
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
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