I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
