Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
