just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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