so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
i dont even know how to be here
The police scanner is talking about you again....
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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