Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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