Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Can you bring me the toilet please
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
