You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
