Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Randomize
