I think i peed on brittanys purse
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
