Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
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