He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
