God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
