you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
