all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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