I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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