She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I touched a dick in church today
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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