This is not my ceiling
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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