Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
