i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
