Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Randomize
