you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
