some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
