He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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