I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
