the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
