i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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