Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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