I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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