Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
