woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
