And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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