I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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