This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
