Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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