i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
