my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
