When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize