Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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