I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
