some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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