I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
You work out of a Hotel?
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
nutella sex= disaster
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
