We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
she looked like the before picture.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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