I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
