Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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