She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
