Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
this is an emotional support booty call
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize