The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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