honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
