dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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