youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
