I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
My sheets look like a crime scene.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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