College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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