the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
