I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
