My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
