dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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