You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
