You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
