Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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