sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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