my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
