I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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