What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i love accidental penises.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
