They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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