Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
