Sponge bath it is.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
