Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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