The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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