i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
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