I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
