he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
