I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
she peed on how many people?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
